The Mother and the Father
by Aubrey Weese
An essay comparing the mother in the poem "Daystar" by Rita Dove to the father in the poem "Those Winter Sundays" by Robert Hayden.
The two poems I have chosen to analyze are Daystar by Rita Dove and Those Winter Sundays by Robert Hayden.
The poem Daystar struck me from my first reading of it because I do the same thing this woman did sometimes. The apartment I share with my husband has a balcony where I have planted some flowers, and sometimes when the whether is nice I drag a rocking chair out there into the sun and just sit and let my thoughts wander. This poem reminds me of those moments.
The author uses imagery in the poem to make the experience of this one woman stand out vividly. The first lines of the poem say "she saw diapers steaming on the line / a doll slumped behind the door." The phrase "steaming on the line" is especially strong, making me able to feel the balmy heat of the day and the bright warm sunshine on my skin. Also, the diapers and doll may serve as symbols in this poem for all the cares that the woman carries in looking after her children. Right now she wants to put all that behind her, and doesn't want any reminders of it. She wants to escape into a place where there are no demands.
Another visual image in this poem occurs when the woman is looking around her backyard, and she sees "the pinched armor of a vanished cricket, / a floating maple leaf." These are little things that catch your attention for a second, not things to sit an contemplate about. I think the point is that the woman doesn't really want to think about anything, she just wants to be. Sometimes she doesn't even want to look at anything, but instead close her eyes and see only "her own vivid blood." This image of the woman looking at her own blood makes it seem like this time alone reminds her that she is very "alive" -- that she has a free will and can make choices -- that she has her own personhood apart from her children and husband.
A few lines later the author introduces an interesting metaphor. When Liza appears on the stairs, she wonders "just what was mother doing / out back with the field mice? Why / building a palace." It may look to everyone else like the woman is just sitting there wasting her time, but actually she is doing something constructive, which may be the most important part of her day. She is relaxing and clearing her mind of all the worries that have cluttered it up. She may also be reflecting on who she is as a person and where she is in her life. She may be doing something similar to meditating or praying, and it refreshes her and gives her energy to accomplish the rest of the things she must do today.
That this moment may be the most important one in her day is hinted at later in the poem where it says, "that night when Thomas rolled over and / lurched into her," she thought of "the place that was hers." I don't know if that line means that he wanted to have sex with her, or that he just bumped her and it woke her up. But either way, the poem uses the word "lurched," which has a negative conation. Whatever Thomas did bothered her, and this bothersome thing made her think of her special place. This shows that reflecting on the time she spends building her "palace" is a source of comfort for her.
The last line of the poem is my favorite, where the author says "she was nothing / pure nothing, in the middle of the day." This is a paradox, because obviously the woman does not cease to exist in the middle of the day. I think the line might mean that at that moment nobody is expecting her to be anything. She is totally left to herself and this is a refreshing feeling for her.
The poem Those Winter Sundays has a lot to say in a small amount of space. It uses one event to extrapolate on a father's whole relationship to his son. There are some vivid images in this poem, such as the father's "cracked hands that ached." Cracked hands have often been used as a symbol for hard work. I think in this poem they serve as a symbol for the all the pain and discomfort the man is willing to go through for his family. You can look at those cracked hands and know he loves them.
An auditory image is introduced later in the poem when it says "I awoke and heard the cold splintering, breaking." Maybe what the boy actually heard was the fire crackling, or maybe he heard ice melting off the windows. This showed him that his father was powerful -- he had the power to "break" the cold, and to "drive it out" for the sake of those he cared for. The warm house on the winter Sundays served as a symbol for the father's love for his son, although the son didn't make this connection until later. When he was a child he took it for granted, as the poem says "No one ever thanked him," and he would "speak indifferently to him."
It is interesting that this poem is about the father's love, but there is the one line that says "I would rise and dress / fearing the chronic angers of that house." The phrase "chronic angers" is a metaphor that compares the angers of the house to a disease that won't go away. It sounds like the father was a harsh man who scared his children, but deep down he loved them very much. Maybe the chronic angers were what made the children not realize his love until later.
The last line of the poem is packed with meaning, and I have heard it quoted in other places a number of times: "What did I know, what did I know / of love's austere and lonely offices?" The repetition of "what did I know" adds emphasis to this thought, like the author is saying it very passionately, and is full of regret, wishing he had known, and had thanked his father. The words "austere" and "lonely" bring a lot of meaning with them. The fathers actions were lonely because no one really noticed them or understood what they meant. The word austere means "Severe or stern in disposition or appearance; somber and grave." The use of this word could mean that even the father's harshness toward his son was done out of love for him. It could also mean that the father took the hard work that he did for his family very seriously. Another meaning for austere is "having no adornment or ornamentation." This could mean that the work the father did for his family was not showy. It was mundane and humble work, but it was precious because the father did it out of love.
Now that I have talked about these two poems, one main difference between them stands out to me. The first poem is about something the mother is doing for herself, while the second poem is all about the sacrifices the father made for his son. Comparing them shows the mother to be the more "selfish" of the two, in that her child and husband are distractions from her revelry, and they are somewhat burdensome to her. But the father is totally self-sacrificing -- getting up in the "blueblack cold," making a fire with "cracked hands that ached." He takes no thought for his own comfort, except, possibly, when he gets angry. This makes me think if the father had spent some time relaxing like the mother, maybe he wouldn't have gotten as angry. Maybe thinking of yourself every once in awhile is a good thing, I don't know, but it is interesting to note the contrast. I think mother in the first poem is person we can relate to, but the father in the second poem is a person we admire.
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